Just a Reminder

Hey folks. Just wanted to remind you that, if you're still coming here, you're doing it wrong. The blog moved over to blog.thejosephpeterson.com.  So...yeah...you should probably head over there now.  DO IT!

The Bob Barker Discussion

I suppose I should actually call this "The Morgan Freeman Discussion That Turned Into the Bob Barker Discussion Cause Hop Is a Fucking Retard" but, I figured shorter is sweeter, at least in this case.

Al Grey

Anyways, at work, Hop and I got into talking about Morgan Freeman.  It all started when he noticed our new chat program at work made his chat "all grey".  However, he typed "al grey" which made me think he was comparing himself to some man named Al Grey.  We decided to look up the name and found him.  Apparently, Al Gray was a trombonist and played with the likes of the Count Basie Orchestra...whatever that is.  But, good for him.  Moving on...Hop made a comment that the man looked a bit like Morgan Freeman in an air machine.  I had no idea what he was talking about, as usual.  He said, "You know.  Like one of those ones that makes your face stretchy and weird."  Oh, okay Hop.  I guess he sort of does.

So then we started talking about Morgan Freeman.  First, Hop told me Morgan Freeman had never been in a good movie.  I told him otherwise to which he said, "Prove it."  I mentioned Shawshank Redemption.  Hop didn't like that one.  Glory.  Driving Miss Daisy.  Kiss the Girls.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Didn't tickle Hop's fancy which I knew it wouldn't because he's a fucking idiot.  Ahem.  Sorry.  Anyways, he went on to say the only movie worth watching with Morgan Freeman in it is Wanted.  I've never seen the movie but, according to Hop (so this might not be at all true) Morgan Freeman says "Shoot this motherfucker right here."  Which to Hop is the greatest line ever spoken on film.  Yeah, I know.

Weekend at Barker's

After that fiasco, Hop noticed Al Grey was dead and made a comment about Morgan Freeman being dead.  To which I immediately jumped and stated otherwise.  And Hop changed his tune and said, "Yeah, well, he's practically dead."  Which I had to agree because, well, he is.  He then moved on to something that's bothered me forever.  I'm surprised I've never mentioned it here before.  He truly believes that Bob Barker is dead.  I've tried to prove otherwise but Hop insists that Bob Barker is an dead puppet being controlled by the media.  "A dead puppet?"  I questioned.  "Like Weekend at Bernie's?"  "Exactly," he said.  The man's an idiot.

I've had this debate with him time and time again.  Not that I'm a huge fan of Bob Barker but, he's sort of a legend and, let's face it, Bob Barker is The Price is Right.  Drew Carey sucks as host.  Fact.  Anyways, he continued ranting, half of which I blocked out until he blurted out, "Every time he used to come down that stage and they played that Wheel of Fortune music..."  I lost it.  I literally laughed out loud for at least 20 seconds.  He kept trying to fix it, "Price is Right.  I said Price is Right."  But he didn't.  And it just really made me laugh.

Once I recovered, I said, "Hop, those shows aren't even alike at all."

He said, "Uh huh.  The wheels."

I said, "Oh, you mean the one wheel in The Price is Right that they spin twice a show?  Compared to that of Wheel of Fortune where they spin the damn thing every turn?"

He said, "No, no.  I mean yeah but, there's more than just that wheel on The Price is Right.  I'm talking about all the wheels."

At this point, I was upset.  "What fucking wheels, Hop?  They have one fucking wheel."

He said, "All those wheels on the cars they give away."

At which point, I told him I'd stab him and he reminded me that he is un-stabbable.  That's the idiot moron known as Hop.  I can't wait to share him to you all soon.  Joe out.

Judgment Day

So, word on the street is, we won't be here much longer.  Well, we being the God fearing individuals on planet Earth.  I suppose I shouldn't lump myself in the group.  I'm an atheist.  Have been for awhile.  I mean, I tried out religion but, it just didn't work out for myself.

Definitely not going to Heaven

 I think my biggest gripe was people always wanting me to go to church.  Why do I have to go to church to be religious?  I never understood that bit.  If my body is my temple, I'll just stay here and pray, thanks.  Prayer was another thing I never understood.  Leave God alone.  He's busy.  He's got shit to do like move clouds about, make the sun rise and set and keep Kim Kardashian's boobs looking great.  I mean, they're great boobs, God but, they're kinda on one hell of a useless person.

Anyways, the meaning of this was to discuss Judgment Day...and all the things wrong with it.  It's like there's some kind of "I'm better than you" syndrome going on with these religious folks.  Some of them anyways.  I won't lump them all in here.  Some atheists are assholes too...like me.  In any case, the folks that are in on this Judgment Day, May 21st, Rapture, whatever business act like they got an invite to the big party in Heaven and it's a short list.  They're the VIPs.  They're going to Heaven and they're going to watch us burn come the end of the world.

That's all find and dandy but, as a moral person who makes moral choices based on morality's sake (basically being good for goodness sake), I wouldn't be waving that invite around.  I'd take my chariot or my wings or the escalator, however the fuck I'm getting up there, humbly.  Hell, I might even take a sinner or two.  Sure.  Why not?  I'm a good guy.  Never understood letting religion dictate whether you should be a good, decent man.  I'm good because it's the right thing to do...not because if I'm not good I go to Hell.  That makes more sense to me.

In any case, I almost hope it happens.  The Rapture, Judgment junk.  Earth is crowded and, well, it'd be nice to be here in the final days without all the crazy religion freaks.  But let's face it...May 22nd's going to come around, we're all going to be here.  Except for the people who die.  And they will die.  And some idiot will believe it to be a sign.  But it isn't.  It's just death.  Someone will be born, too.  What does that mean?  I mean, if Jesus or God is just emptying out the world anyways, why let anyone be born?  Seems like something an organized God just wouldn't do.  And, what if they're not born?  What if some lady's been running around with a baby inside of her for 9 months, she's ready to pop and, well, that damn baby won't come out?  And, what if the baby's deserving but the mom's not?  Does the mom just get a free ride cause she's carrying the baby or does the baby just fly out and go to Heaven or, you know, if the mom does get to go up to they just get the baby out and send her back?  I mean, if she's good and the baby's good, yeah, there's no problem but, I mean, you gotta sort out the other stuff.

How about I just ask Him for a ride?

What about people's pets?  Who's gonna feed Sparky now that it's the Rapture?  Does Sparky go to Heaven?  Do you want us heathens taking care of your dog?  And what about the Bible?  It's the number one selling book of all time.  Do we just stop making it?  Who do you think would take the number one spot from the Bible?  My money's on that damned devil Harry Potter franchise.  And another thing...doesn't God and Jesus and Buddha and Yahweh and all those other ones love us?  Even the sinners, right?  Why doesn't everyone get to go up in the magic rocket ship?  I want to ride a unicorn and lick lollipop clouds.  Oh well.  I guess I should've gone to church like those people asked me to.

In closing, nothing's going to happen.  May 21st will be another normal day.  I'll get up, take a shit, shower, head to work, pretend to work, take another shit, come home, do some heroine, jerk off, take another shit, cut myself, take some Vicodin and go to sleep.  Wake up and do it again the next day.  Forever and ever until the day I die or the end of the world comes.  Which, of course is by no means as soon as tomorrow.  As we all know, December 21st, 2012 is the end of the world.  Idiots.  Joe out.

The New Website

So, I've finalized setting up the new website.  For those interested, blog.thejosephpeterson.com.  I think I may keep this site for text posts and leave the other page my storage for the podcasts but, we'll see.  We're coming up quick on our start up date and I appreciate everyone's interest (if anybody's even interested anyways).  Joe out.

The Alien Discussion

Today, Hop and I discussed a possible new sequel to the Alien vs Predator movies.  This would be a sort of rebranding of the series.

It all started when we were discussing how many Alien movies we thought there had been in total.  And I claimed I had stopped watching after the 2nd one because Sigourney Weaver is an ugly woman and I actually felt bad for the aliens.

In any case, this rebranding would have Xena as the lead role.  This was Hop's idea.  I asked him if it would be Lucy Lawless just playing the character of Xena or if it would be her playing herself.  He stated that it would be both.  In fact, it would be similar to the movie "The Parent Trap".  However, in this case, the mom and dad would be an alien and a predator, both vying for their children's (Lucy and Xena) affection.  The title would be "The Predator Trap".

We then figured we should have Sigourney Weaver make a cameo as a throwback to the original movies.  She would play the "Predalien", a third child who was thrown in the basement.  I figure she sorta looks like what a Predalien would probably look like anyways.

We didn't really come up with an end to the movie, but we discussed why someone would name their child "Sigourney".  I said if I had the last name Weaver, I'd name my kid Dream.  Hop said he'd name his Basket.  We couldn't come up with any other names that made sense.  I then said the name Beaver Weaver but insisted that I could never enroll the child in public school...or society for that matter.

What Bothers Me Right Now 11: The Whole Day

Today, I decided to bring along a pad of paper and write down things I saw or experienced throughout the day while at work.  What follows is a direct transcript of my writings, along with some added thoughts (I'll put them in parentheses like this) I've decided to include as of now.  Enjoy.

My kingdom for a vanilla Zinger!

9 PM:  Went to get vanilla Zingers from the vending machine in the break room.  No vanilla Zingers.  Chocolate ones.  I don't like them.  Decided to get 3 Musketeers bar.  Machine didn't work.  Got Nutter Butter Bites which is all right but not what I wanted.  (This whole situation sort of bothered me.  The break room is a good walk from where I sit.  I've had this taste for Zingers lately and I only like the vanilla ones because the chocolate ones taste like Hohos and I don't really like those.  So, I got all the way down there and nothing.  Though the Nutter Butter Bites were pretty delicious.)

(Continued from 9 PM)  Also, wanted to get rid of dimes.  Took two dimes and a quarter.  Meant to take two dimes and a nickel.  Still have two dimes...and that nickel...and no Zingers.

At least they had Cherry 7up.  (Which by the way is amazing.)

Split tennis ball?

Don't look up "split tennis ball" on Google while at work.  (Not sure when this happened, can't really remember.  I do remember it bringing up a pretty naughty photo.  Feel free to look it up yourself.  Preferably while not at work.  Unless your work allows that sort of thing then, go for it.  You will find the picture on the right though so, that's pretty cool.  If you're into bearded men holding up...um...that.)

11 PM:  Just got back from bathroom.  While I was in there, someone came in, used the urinal and just left.  Didn't flush.  Didn't wash hands.  The washing hands bit doesn't bother me.  Unless you piss or shit on your hands, you don't have to wash up.  (And that's true.)  I do it as a courtesy in a public place. (Preferably, at work.  I rarely wash my hands after using the restroom unless I'm in the middle of or about to eat.  And of course if I shit or piss on them.)  Anyways, why not flush?  That's just dirty.  And what bothers me even more, when I went, the toilet had piss in it.  FLUSH THE TOILET!!!  Jesus.  Dirty bastards.  (And that's true.  Where I work is like a nerd farm.  I guess nerds don't flush toilets or use underarm deodorant.  I'm not kidding.  Some of the people I work with smell horrid.  Like bacon.  I mean, I like the smell of bacon...but not old bacon mixed with dirty human.  Take a shower.  If you are taking a shower, put on deodorant.  If you are putting on deodorant, get some new shit cause it ain't working.  And bring me some bacon, you selfish prick.)

You're not cool.

12:30 AM  Saw a guy with a mohawk and a mullet just now.  What would that be called?  A mullethawk?  A mohawklet?  In any case, bad.  Mohawklet sounds like something they serve in a school cafeteria.  (Mohawks seem to be all the rage where I work.  Never really understood it.  Looks like a half a haircut.  Finish the job for God's sake.  And why a mullet?  One or the other.  Neither should be acceptable in public but, at least pick one over the other.  Don't just blend them into some abomination.  It was awful.)

2 AM:  Someone just used a phrase I hate.  "I know what you'd like."  Yeah?  You do, do you?  Another I hate, "I bet you'd like..."  Yeah?  Let's see.  Nope.  Don't like it.  Pay up.  (Not much to add here.  I just hate when people think they know me well enough to make a wager or insist that they know I like one thing or another.  I probably don't.  I'm pretty fucking picky and not everyone likes Elvis commemorative plates or Nascar dishtowels.  If you do, that's fine.  If you like those things, I bet you'd have a mohawklet.)

3:30 AM:  Went to bathroom again to take a piss.  Before I went in, someone told me, "Be careful.  It smells like shit in there."  Does it?  Who'd have thought?  (I mean, it's a bathroom for fuck's sake.  It's one step away from a sewer.  And where I work, it smells enough outside of the bathroom anyways.  I understand, it was his attempt at a joke but, it wasn't really very well done.  Here's a joke:  My grandpa used to fart, smile at me, and tell me "Joe.  Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind me?"  Now, that's a fucking joke.)

And so sums up my day.  By the way, it's Mother's Day so, let your mom know you love her.  Or if you don't love her, whatever.  Just let her be, I guess.  Happy Mother's Day all you mothers out there.  Get it?  Like mother fuckers.  Yeah.  Meh, whatever.  And here's Mr. T telling you to treat your mother right.  Remember, when you put down one mother, you're putting down mothers all over the world.  Joe out.

Random

I wore my underwear inside-out today.  Didn't even realize it until about 2 in the morning.  I was taking a shit at work and looked down and, yep, inside-out.  That was good.  Was gonna fix it but, someone walked in on me so, I thought twice and decided not to.

Just found out that Criss Angel did an Orville Redenbacher popcorn commercial.  "You popped popcorn in the microwave? Oh my God!"  Here's a link to the video:  Stupidest Commercial Ever.  I love how the lady reacts just like all the losers on the TV show do.  Does he even have a TV show anymore?  Does anyone even care?  MIND FREAK!

Um, what else?  I swear folks.  I'm out of ideas.  I mean, without Hop around to make me question reality, I don't know what's going on.  Oh.  Here's a link to the dude's Facebook page.  Look at him.  That's what I sit next to everyday.  He's a fucking idiot-genius though.  So yeah.  Visit his page.  Add him as a friend.  He hates Facebook so, it'll make his day.

So, yeah.  I guess I'll finish it off with a joke.  How does Bob Marley like his donuts?  With jammin'.  Sorry folks.  Should have some better content in the next week or so once I get Hop back to yell at.  Joe out.

Hop, Where the Fuck Are You?

These people at work are driving me insane.  They're talking about cheese sticks, sugar water.  Something about a Kit Kat.  Apparantely, in someone's school, you were not allowed to bring your lunch.  Sprite and 3 cookies, everyday for 3 years.  Idling train engines.  Oh god, here's another one.  A Twix, a bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Dr. Pepper everyday in highschool.  Another.  All you can eat eatery.  Three times a day.  Stuck a muffin and two apples in my pocket.  That one made me laugh.  Now they're looking at me.

Nevermind.  Looking at someone else.  Something about a pasta buffet at college.  Waffle bars.  Okay, I'm done.

Here's my gripe.  Why do people have these types of conversations?  It's almost combative.  Each one of them, trying to best the other with something they had that the other person didn't.  Who cares?  I mean, I'm just listening to listen really because I've got nothing better to do at 1 in the morning.  So, Hop.  Where the fuck are you?  I've got another week of these losers.  I need mental stimulation.  I need to yell at you over some stupid story you made up.  I've come to a realization that I come to work less to work and more to bitch at Hop.

Oh, and Osama Bin Laden died.  Whoever that is.  Joe out.

So, I Guess Nobody Cares. Neither Do I.

Well, I suppose folks just don't like the aspect of making twenty bucks for little to no work.  That's cool.  I could use the money.  I'm speaking in regards to a contest I had set up last week requesting you all to put in your two cents on a name for the podcast.  Your two cents could've been worth twenty bucks but, whatever.  WHATEVER.  The contest is still there.  Lazy fuck.  You want a link don't you.  Here:  Lazy fucks click here.  

I mean, look at it.

But it doesn't matter to me if you submit a name or not.  Besides, I'll probably wind up calling it "The Joe Show" or some other crappy name like that.  Like I said, I could use the twenty bucks.  I'm thinking of having weekly contests on the podcast for shitty prizes.  Like a Mr. T rubber ducky.  Or maybe a Michael Jackson mask.  Good God.  That thing is fucking awful.

But yeah.  Whatever.  You guys probably won't even read this.  And yeah.  I know I'm bitching but, fuck you.  This is my space on the web to bitch, bitch.  I'd go read whatever drivel you could muster up and throw on the internet.  Well, probably not.  Let's be honest.  It most likely wouldn't be all that well put together.  A lot of thought goes into these posts, people.  Well, not so much this one.  But, I mean...did anyone read yesterday's post about the royal wedding?  Or the homeless feature?  Hell, all the "What Bothers Me Right Now" articles are amazing.  I mean.  Is that it?  Am I attacking what you love and you just can't take it?  I don't care.  Accept it and support me you fucking lemmings!  Ahahahhaha!  I'll stop.

In all honesty though, still aiming for the podcast to be first recorded May 24th and hopefully be uploaded by the 25th or a little later.  Man, I can't believe this is happening.  You don't understand, guys.  I've been wanting to do radio since I was a little shit.  I used to record myself talking about the stupidest things.  And now, this podcast, well, it's a step closer, isn't it?  Yeah.  Well, wish me luck.  And to the one dude following these posts...  Thanks man.  I don't even know who you are but, you're cool.  Fuck the rest of you.  Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 10: The Royal Wedding

"...Kate's pretty good looking.  I'd give her a go."

So, today's a special day, yeah?  What with William and Kate getting hitched.  Whoopty-doo!  Who gives a shit really?  I just don't see the importance of royalty.  That's what bothers me right now.

You see, a long time ago, in the distant land of Britain, there were a bunch of rich snobs.  They all  wanted to fuck their sisters and cousins so made up this "royalty" business.  Had to keep the bloodline going and all that.  What a bunch of shit.  And now it's even worse.  These people have done nothing but have the privilege of being born into this.  They have no talent, no skills.  Hell, they're not even good to look at.  And so now we have to go make a big deal of how rich they are and how special they are.  Their parents fucked.  That should never make you instantly famous.  Just total shit is all it is.

And then I come home and all that's on TV is this "Royal Wedding" bullshit.  Hell, it's been like this for a week or two.  I can't change the channel without looking at this British bullshit.  I admit, Kate's pretty good looking.  I'd give her a go.  But, Jesus Christ...should we really care about this kind of shit?

Chim-chim-charoo, you royal fuck.

What goodwill is this going to bring the world?  I mean really.  At least he's not fucking his sister but, still...William, dude, you gotta know you're worthless.  If you were born to Tom and Jill Nannyfanny on Broomster Lane in Manchester, you'd be a chimney sweep just like your pop.  Supercalifragi-who-gives-a-fuck.

Enjoy it while you can, Billy.  She'll just wind up like your mom.  Drop your sorry ass, get half of everything you own, go bone a Frenchman and crash into a tunnel.  Then, Elton John will sing her favorite song at the funeral.  Yeah.  That's what we have to look forward to.  Hey Elton.  Whether or not it's her favorite, do "Tiny Dancer".  That shit's hot.  Joe out.

This Shit Makes Me Laugh

Just got showed this at work and about laughed my ass off.

What Bothers Me Right Now 9: Homeless People

Yeah.  Call me an asshole but, sorry, I don't care about the homeless anymore.  I've been in some bad shit but have always managed to pull out of it in the end.  I just can't comprehend getting to a point where you're in a situation where you're living off of handouts.  Let me tell you a story and maybe you'll see more where I'm coming from.

When I was living in Denver, about a decade or so ago, I was approached by a homeless man.  Now, up to this point, I was pretty used to the homeless and tried to help where I could.  Never gave them money but, I was always more than willing to pass along a bag of chips or a burger, anything I could get for them.  So far, the people had always taken me up on it and were overly thankful and I always felt a little better of myself.

Anyways, the homeless guy approached me and asked if I could help him out.  Now, I had just come out of a gas station at the time and bought a sandwich for the next 2 or 3 hours I'd be on the road.  I wasn't really hungry but, it's nice to have backup in case.  I told him, "Well, you know what...I just bought this sandwich so, if you want that, here you go."  He just kinda looked at me dumbfounded.  He said, "Well, actually, what I'd really like is some money, man.  Even a quarter would help."  So, now I'm thinking to myself.  So, this asshole wants a quarter.  This sandwich is 3 dollars.  He's willing to take a piece of filthy metal over something that will provide him with a full belly.  Fuck this.  I look right back at him.  I throw the sandwich at his feet and pull a quarter out of my pocket.  I yell, "You want a fucking quarter?  Here's your fucking quarter!"  I chucked that quarter out onto the street, got in my car, and sped away.  A waste of a good sandwich if you ask me but, it just completely blew my mind how selfish this man was.  First, you come up to me and beg.  Second, you don't accept my offer.  Go fuck yourself.

I'm reminded by all this because today, as I finished pumping gas in my car, I was approached by another homeless man.  Now, at this point, 10 years down the road, I'm thinking I'll be generous.  He asks if I have any money.  I inform him that I don't carry cash but, I'd be more than happy to buy him a drink or a hotdog or something.  He says, "Cool, man."  So, we start heading inside and he says, "You know what man.  Actually.  Could you get me some cigarettes?"  I say, "Nope.  And you just lost your hotdog, bro."  Now, he starts following me.  "Ah, man.  Could I just get a ride then.  I'm just up the street."  I say, "Nah, man.  You had your chance.  You'll figure it out."  Got in my car and sped away.

Now, who's the asshole?  I just don't get where these people find the nerve to ask for help and, when I provide an alternative to money, they're almost offended that I don't just give them a dollar.  That almighty dollar that's worth less than what I'm willing to give them.  Who do you think you are, you homeless fuck?  I hope it rains.  I hope your cardboard box get soaked up and falls apart and drifts off into a rain gutter.  And, I hope that if I'm ever in your shoes, I respect those who are willing to lend a helping hand and accept whatever they have to offer.  Joe out.

Hop is a Fucking Idiot

Hey all.  As most of you all know, I hang out with a fella by the name of "Hop".  Real name's Johnathon but, he's Hop to most everybody.  Anyways, he's gone on vacation and today was his last day of work for awhile.

Groundhog Day

I was giving him some hell by telling him that the joke was on him and that he was going to have to relive the day like Bill Murray did in Groundhog Day.  He told me he had never seen it but that he was familiar with the premise and that if that was the case, he would just jump off a cliff.  To which I said that it wouldn't make much difference what he did, he would just come back and it would be the same day all over again.  He looked at me weird.  I said, "Yeah, because Bill Murray has to relive the day, over and over again, until he gets it just right and winds up with the love of his life or whatever."  And then he said "Oh.  Well, I must've been watching Groundhog Day 2 then."  And we argued because I told him there was no Groundhog Day 2.  And he kept going on that there was and that it didn't have Bill Murray but he had seen it.  He then told me to look it up...which I did...and, of course, there's no Groundhog Day 2.

He then got angry at me because he swore he had seen it.  And he said, "I mean, it's nothing like what Groundhog Day is though, I mean, I haven't seen that one but, it doesn't follow what I think it's about."  So, I asked him, "Well, what's Groundhog Day 2 about then?"  He replied, "It's about this guy who's trying to save his golf course from..."  I stopped him there.  I said, "No.  Shut up.  No.  That's not Groundhog Day or Groundhog Day 2.  That's Caddyshack."  And then he said, "Yeah.  Oh yeah.  That's it.  Caddyshack 2."  I said, "No.  No.  That's Caddyshack.  And it has nothing to do with anything related to Groundhog Day with exception to Bill Murray being in it as well."

Groundhog Day 2, aka Caddyshack

He then said, "Well, no.  That's Groundhog Day then.  Because the groundhog keeps messing up his golf course."  I said, "No, Hop.  No.  That's not even a groundhog.  That's a gopher."  "Same thing," he says.  Of course.  I say, "No.  Hop, listen.  Caddyshack is where Bill Murray is, I believe, the groundskeeper of the golf course.  Something like that.  And the gopher..."  "Groundhog," he said.  "Whatever," I continued.  "It keeps messing up the golf course and Bill Murray keeps trying to get rid of it and winds up blowing up half the course or something which knocks the ball in the hole and allows them to win the golf tournament and keep the golf course.  Something like that.  I haven't seen the movie in awhile."

He said, "Well, right.  And what?  He lives that day over and over again?"  I said, "Hop, when are you going on vacation?"  I swear.  He either is just a fucking troll or a complete idiot.  Which, I want to say that he's just an idiot.  A moron.  A complete waste of matter.  And I can't wait to do the podcast with him.

Groundhog Day 3: This Time It's Personal

Hey, Hop.  What's that movie where Bill Murray fights those groundhog ghosts on that golf course day after day?  Groundhog Day 3, right?  Shut the fuck up.  Thank god you're going on vacation.  But Jesus Christ, what will I do without you for three weeks?  Joe out.

Wanna Make Twenty Bucks?

Hey folks.  I've been looking into finding hosting for the podcast and found a nice little site called libsyn.com that should give me the hosting I need for very little cost.  My biggest problem at this point is trying to come up with a damn name for the show.  Now, I've accepted your attempts thus far but, nothing's really struck me as all that great so, I thought I'd take it up a notch.  So, here goes:  I want anyone and everyone to post here at http://yourdailycupofjoe.blogspot.com/ their ideas for the name of the show.  Now, if the name you give is chosen, I'll spot you twenty bucks.  That's right!  I'll write you a check for twenty bucks and send it your way.  Now, again, you MUST post your ideas on the blog and you also MUST follow the blog.  That's the only way you'll get the dough.  So, folks, sign up, follow the blog, tell your friends and start posting your comments right here on this post.  That's all you gotta do!  I'll be running the contest until May 21st so that gives you all 4 weeks.  Joe out!

What Bothers Me Right Now 8: The Oldest Man in the World

World's oldest man celebrated his 114th birthday a couple days ago.  Really man?  Just die already.  This world is barely worth staying on for fourteen years, let alone 114.  He's frightening to look at too.  Like a potato...a really, really fucked up potato.  And look at those ears.  I know your ears keep growing as you age but, Jesus.  They're like satellite dishes hanging off his head.  Good god.  He can pick up broadcasts from Mars.  I'll leave the old fuck alone but, seriously, if I live to be 114 (no way I will but, anyways) please someone just shoot me in the face.  Or rip off one of my mammoth ears, toss it in my mouth and I'll just choke on the fucking thing.  Just rid the world of me.  It's too damn long a time to be taking up air.  78ish is fine.  Past eighty, you're just going on too long.  Who are you trying to impress?  All your friends are fucking dead!  I'm done.  Sorry Jirouemon. Jesus.  What an awful fucking name too.  Can you imagine living on the planet for 114 years with a name like that?  Joe out.

Lack of Content and Upcoming Events

Hey folks.  I wanted to say sorry for the lack of updates recently.  Coming off vacation and heading straight back to work has really worn me out.  I should be back to posting quality posts soon enough.  Or should I say "quality"?  Anyways, I'll get on it.

In other news, the podcast is still being worked on.  I'm currently looking into hosting space.  Right now, I'm looking at the format to be a weekly 30 - 60 minute show about random events, stories of past and whatever we can think of at the moment.  I think the hardest part will be getting everyone in their different locations to get together at the same time, record their segments at the same time and send me their audio so I can edit it appropriately.  It's going to be one of those things where I have to depend on others to do their part.  I'm terrible at that but, I trust the people who will be a part of this will be somewhat responsible with their responsibility.

I don't want to give an exact date of when these podcasts will begin recording.  I want to say end of May is when we'll get the first one recorded but again, nothing is set in stone as of yet.  By the way, as always, any input is appreciated as far as what you'd like to see in the show as well as a name.  So far I've received some pretty awful suggestions but, I appreciate the effort.  Sort of.  Anyways, that's it from me.  Joe out.

New Car

Hey all.  Just got back from Carmax with a new car.  Why a new car?  Well, if you didn't know or had forgotten, I was in a traffic collision not so long ago.  Anyways, I purchased a 2010 Nissan Versa this time around.  I love me a hatchback.  Best part of the car, it gets 34 miles per gallon.  In this day and age, you have to think about fuel economy.  Ha.  Now I sound like my dad.  Anyways, I've got some pictures I've uploaded over at Facebook.  Let's hope this one lasts longer than six months.  Joe out.

Definitely not a gas guzzler

Back Home

Hey all.  I rolled back into Austin about 11 o'clock last night.  Sort of just relaxed and chatted with everyone at the house for awhile before passing out.  It's sad to have the vacation end but, it's also good to be home.  Work in 2 days...yuck.  But, oh well.  Work is work.  Gotta go car shopping sometime today or tomorrow as well so, let's see how that goes.  Joe out.

I'm Rich, Bitch!

The Tournament of Kings And Up Another Grand

Tournament of Kings

Hey all!  Just got back from the Tournament of Kings and some gambling.  That show was absolutely amazing.  A pretty great way to close out the Vegas trip, in my mind.  We ended up rooting for "Dragon", the evil sorcerer.  In the end, the good guys triumphed but, it was all in great fun.  Lots of violence, pyrotechnics, good looking chicks and a midget.  Oh, and the food was excellent too.  The only gross part was when a clod of dirt shot right into my mug.  At least I hope that was dirt.  In any case, if you're heading to Vegas and you're up for dinner and a show, I highly recommend it!

In other news, that Wheel of Fortune machine is my bitch.  I decided to take a detour and hit up the machine one last time before heading to the room.  I put in a hundred bucks and was down to just about thirty left.  Then, I finally hit the bonus spin.  And what a bonus.  One thousand big ones.  Yep.  So, altogether, that machine wound up paying me just about 2200 bucks.  All in all, I wound up leaving Vegas with a profit of 2400.  Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

In the end, it was a pretty great trip.  Watched some Blue men play music with a little nerd named Sasha, took a trip 45 years into the past to watch The Beatles, hung out with a douchebag magician, got horse dirt in my souvenir mug, had a duck pee on me, made the Pat Sajak machine my bitch, and left the desert with a cool couple grand and then some.  What happens in Vegas...gets put on the blog.  Joe out.

PS:  See ya in Austin soon!

And Then Everything Worked Out

Wheel of Fortune, you my bitch

So, you know how I was bitching about the show last night and all that money I spent?  Well, I made up for it and some.  Just came back from Excalibur with an extra $1250 in my pocket.  I guess that's my place.  Hit up the Wheel of Fortune machine.  Won $250 right off the bat and thought I should walk around and check out the other machines.  After breaking even on pretty much everything, I decided to head back to Wheel of Fortune.  Wound up hitting back to back Bonus Spins worth $500 each.  So, that puts me at about fourteen hundred or so profit.  I think that'll do for me as far as gambling goes.  I can't complain about leaving Vegas with a profit.

Tonight's the show at Excalibur.  I can't remember the name...  Something about Knights of the Round Table or some such thing.  Should be a fun way to end our stay.  I'll let you know about it once we get back.  Joe out.

Edit:  Show's called Tournament of Kings.

What Bothers Me Right Now 7: David Copperfield Edition

"Entertainment Douchebag of the Year"

Ah, yes.  David Copperfield.  You get your own post.  Your douchebaggery, yes douchebaggery, has earned you a sacred spot right here on the blog.

So, we arrive at the show and everything's going well.  I'm excited for the show and even more so, for the meet and greet we have set up for afterwards.  Only one thing's bothering me thus far.  Now, I paid about two hundred bucks each for these tickets.  Keep this in mind.  I sit down and the first thing they start pawning off on us is twenty dollar souvenir cup.  Fuck you.  I should get one free.  Anyways, other than that, I'm fine at this point.

Now, I do have to give the man props.  He puts on a great show.  The guy turned a sheet of paper into a butterfly, made 13 people disappear, walked through a fan blade...oh, his duck pissed on me.  Yeah, that was a highlight.  The duck just shot urine all over me.  Now, that's a souvenir.  Shove that in your twenty dollar cup.  Anyways, awesome show.  I highly suggest checking out at least that portion of the whole "David Copperfield Experience".

Now, the meet and greet.  They usher us, there's only six total people, to this little corner and we wait.  Which is totally fine.  I've met with "Weird Al" Yankovic several times and that's pretty much customary.  So, the wait's over and we go to meet David Copperfield.  So, just so you know, the man's the first magician I had ever seen perform.  The guy made me want to be a magician.  He made the Statue of Liberty disappear, he walked through the Great Wall of China, he, um, dangled over some spikes that were on fire or something.  Anyways, some amazing tricks.  So, my expectations are super high.

Okay, so we walk up the steps and there he is.  And in less than a minute, it was all over.  He didn't say "hello".  He didn't shake my hand.  He just told me to stand to his side, smile for the camera and then said "goodbye".  Oh, he scribbled something on a photograph of himself.  I assume it's his name.  Looks like it says "Dan Cotfeld".  So, all I can think of is, "Wow, I spent hundreds of dollars for this."  Well, whatever.  At least I get a free souvenir picture and this awesome autograph I can now sell on Ebay...er, cherish forever.

Time to pick up the photo.  "Okay guys.  For the 2 pictures and some wallets, that'll be 45 bucks."  Haha.  "No, no," I say, "we just came from the Meet and Greet".  "Oh, okay," says the attendant, "well, I can throw in all of the wallets instead of just 2."  Sad face.  Angry face.  Forty five more dollars gone.  Thanks David.  You magical, mystical fuck.  Oh, and I bought a little stuffed version of the duck that pissed on me.  Might as well have that to remind me...aside from the urine stains on my shirt.

So, in the end...the dude's a total douchebag and totally only doing this magic thing for the money.  I mean, I should've guessed as much.  You know what?  I really shouldn't bitch about it.  It was a once in a lifetime experience...cause I sure as fuck won't do that again.  I'll tell you what though, that man sure can make  money disappear.  Well, at least mine that is.  Joe out.

Up A Hundred Bucks

That's right folks. Hit the Casino floor over at Excalibur for about 3 hours and wound up being up a hundred bucks or so. My biggest win was at a machine called "The Big Catch". I hit max bet a few times, and won the $167 progressive jackpot. So, not too shabby for spending all of about 3 bucks on that machine. I'll have to make my way back down there tomorrow or later on after the show tonight.

Also, got some information on the Texas Hold 'Em tourneys over at Excalibur. Not really bad at all. Forty dollar buy-in and they've got a good 12 - 15 tables so, there's potential to win some good money. I may do that tomorrow as well. I'll let you guys know.

Anyways, on schedule for David Copperfield tonight. I'll let you all know how that goes. Joe out.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles!

Hey all! Just got back from the BeatleShow! Talk about an awesome experience. I'd have to say that these guys know their shit when it comes to being a tribute band. Half the time I almost forgot I wasn't at an actual Beatles concert. It was pretty amazing to be a part of that. I almost got a little feeling of what it must have been like to be present for those shows some forty, almost fifty, years ago. Nah, not really. As good as these guys were, and they were damn good, nothing can measure up to what must have been one of the most amazing experiences in the world to see those guys perform live. In any case, another really great show. This time, I actually got to take photos and I've already uploaded them to Facebook here: The Beatles!

After the show, we received a comp meal down at the Planet Hollywood Buffet. Now, that was some great food. I, of course, gorged on meatballs and linguine. Absolutely amazing.

After that, we moseyed on down the strip. A bunch of weird characters. Oh yeah. Saw my first Vegas tranny. Though, this was mostly just a man in a bra and a miniskirt. Thing was hideous. I mean, props to you for being who you want to be but, I definitely didn't need to be a part of it. No photos of the tranny either, you sick fucks.

Picked up our tickets for the David Copperfield show at the MGM Grand for tomorrow night. I'm really looking forward to that. I worked out a way to actually get to meet the guy after the show. Don't know if I'll be able to upload any pictures from that yet but, once I get home, I'll try to scan the photo that we're supposed to get with him.

Anyways, that was today. Really awesome show. Again, if in town, head over to the Saxe Theater and look up the BeatleShow. Even if you don't like the Beatles, I think you can appreciate what these guys are doing to try and help some folks relive their past and help others, like myself, get a little taste of what Beatlemania was all about. Joe out.

Alive and Well. Blue Man Group And What Else Is On The Agenda

Hey all. I made it through the night. God. Look at that previous post. What a loser. That appletini really fucked me up. Anyways, the Blue Man Group concert was last night and that was pretty awesome. I got shot in the face with digestive fluid, which always makes for a good time. I'm sorry to say that, since no photography is allowed, I don't have any shots of the show but, I can say that it's probably one of the coolest things I've seen.

Oh, this is funny, or ironic, or sad. Depends on how you look at it. So, the show is all about music and color. Sort of like how you can see music through this group's eyes. Anyways, we're sitting there waiting for the show to start and all of a sudden, we see this blind lady. I'm an asshole, I know but, I'm thinking...Jesus, what kind of sad joke is this. A show that's all about sight and sound, she's going to miss half the show. I hope she got in for half price. Then, I was thinking, could you imagine taking Helen Keller to this type of show. I would guess they'd have to let her in for free. It's only fair.

Oh, oh...damn, I almost forgot. There was also this little queer kid. I'll never forget his name. Sasha. Or maybe it was spelled like Sacha but, anyways...this kid. Good god. He kept talking to us. He was amazed that they gave you ponchos for sitting in the front row. His mom was telling him that they shoot stuff at you and that's why you need to wear the poncho. Then he said "I hope they don't shoot pollen at us. I'm allergic to pollen." All I could think was, "what a fucking nerd." "I hope they don't shoot wizards and goblins at us." Then, he kept talking about Garbanzo Bean Island or some shit. The kid was fucking retarded. And then, the whole time, his stupid ass mom just kept smiling like it was the greatest thing ever. I'm all for being proud of your kid or whatever but, cut your losses lady. The whole Sasha experience made me wish I was Helen Keller.

But yeah, all in all, great night and a great show. If you're ever in the neighborhood, I'd suggest checking it out...with or without Sasha. Tonight we're heading over to the "Beatleshow!", which I guess is some sort of tribute to the Beatles. I'm looking forward to it, what with them being one of my favorite bands and all. I'll let you guys know how that goes. I'll also be doing some gambling tonight, I do believe. I haven't done any thus far but, it feels right to go do some tonight. Wish me luck! I hope they don't shoot any pollen at us. I'm allergic to pollen. Joe out.

Drunk

Hey everybody. i just got back from the blue man group thing or whatever and i drank a lot and i sleep. i'm going tos leep now. woooooooooooooo. updated tormwow tommrowo tomorrow. joe uout.

Bonus: What Bothers Me Right Now 6: Airport Edition

I know, I know. The airport thing was yesterday but, I'm so upset from it all that I've decided to express my anger in an extra special "What Bothers Me Right Now".

First thing that bothers me: Security. I don't even understand these measures they go to to make sure we're "safe". Look, 9/11 was ten years ago. Shit happened, people died. I don't care. Oh, and don't pull that, "well, you're just not affected cause nobody you knew was there". Bullshit. We lost our uncle for hours and thought he died so, stop being so fucking sensitive. But yeah, here's an idea, maybe we should've beefed up security oh, I don't know, eleven or more years ago. I guess I just get upset because I can't take facial scrub on an airplane. Fucking facial scrub. I don't know of how many ounces of facial scrub have been used to take over a plane but, shit, it must've been enough to make that a no-no to bring on board.

Second thing: seats on the plane. I'm a fat guy. Not humongous but, I'm fat. So yeah, I can't fit in these fucking airplane seats. Hell, I see skinny people have issues. And if the asshole in front of me reclines his seat, I can't put down my tray table. I'm just saying, give me like 3 more inches of butt room. Thanks.

Number three: the assholes at the Houston Airport with their fucking travel carts. Who thought this was a good idea? The terminal is barely wide enough for people to walk through but, they decided let's just put fucking cars in the middle of the thing. And the guys driving, the whole fucking time, just scream "CART COMING THROUGH! CART TURNING RIGHT! CART COMING THROUGH! CART! CART! CART!" Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up! I'm sorry. If you're so fucking lazy that you can't walk from Terminal C to Terminal E, just die. Fucking die. I don't want you near me. You're sucking my soul away.

Number four: the people that travel. Next time you go to an airport, look at the people. Look at those fucks. Remember, these are the same lazy losers who can't walk to Terminal E. All of them look so concerned and they're all not going anywhere. I mean, look at yourself. Where the hell do you think you're going? Nowhere. You're not important and nothing you're doing is important. We're all going nowhere. So, just stop acting so official. So "better than". Cause you're not.

That's it. I'm going to go take a nap. This city can just take it out of you. In Vegas, Joe out.

The Mob Experience

Just got back from probably my favorite thing to date that I've done. It's a little exhibit at the Tropicana called "The Mob Experience". Basically, you go around learning about the mafia and it's rise and fall through the 20s to the 70s. Probably the most fun part of the whole thing is interacting with the different actors who take you through the back alleys and back rooms of the casinos as you go through the exhibits. They also give you a nickname. Mine was "Joe Batters". If you're ever in the neighborhood, check it out. In Vegas, Joe out...for now.

Just Landed In Vegas

Hey folks! Just landed in Vegas not too long ago. I'll get some pictures uploaded here shortly of the suite here at the Luxor. Wish you were here and, in some cases, glad that you're not. Joe out.

Edit: Scratch that...going to bed. Uploaded pics to Facebook if you're interested. Check it out here: Las Vegas Pics

GG Trion

So, I decided to try Rift out with a few friends from my EU guild, and I was really digging the whole "rifts opening up and you gotta close 'em thing" when half way through one of the rifts, my account gets "Logged in from another session" or w/e. So great, my account was hacked.

"No big deal," I thought, "I'll just get the Rift authenticator, problem solved!"

NOPE!

I download the App for my iPhone, and low and behold, the second I go to run it, the loading screen appears with the big 'ole Trion logo, but then it cuts right back to the main screen of my phone.

So, I guess that's that! Can't play Rift 'cause it's hacked and their authenticator doesn't work. Guess you can make a game and make it as pretty as you want, but without polishing and making it epic, all it is is a shiny turd.

Viva Las Vegas!

Howdy readers! All two of you. Vegas is coming up tomorrow. Got a long list of events we're going to be attending. Blue Man Group, David Copperfield, The Beatles, who knows what else. I'll be sure to take a bunch of pictures and share them with you guys.

Any of you guys ever been to Vegas? What did you do? I know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but, feel free to share and comment!

It'll be nice to get out and go back to Vegas. I haven't been there in about 7 years so, I'm really looking forward to it. I've got to get to bed soon to be all rested up to take on the town. I look forward to my next post, in Las Vegas! Joe out!

I've Been A Jerk Lately

It's funny what sleep deprivation can do to you. I've been really irritable lately. Snappy. It has to be lack of sleep. Or maybe it's stress. Or both. You'd think on Day 3 of the vacation, I'd be in a little bit better mood but, nah. I'm just not into it right now. I'm about to head to sleep right now and I'm looking forward to it greatly. Let's hope Day 4 winds up with me being a little less shitty. I should be a lot happier. It's not like I have anything to not be happy about. Oh well, I'll shut the hell up and just smile. Think before I talk. Take a breath and calm down. Get some fucking sleep. That should be number one. Sleep...sleep...sleep...sleep. Damn. I should've turned this into a "What Bothers Me Right Now". Oh well. Good night. Oh, and thanks for not following me. Really appreciate the support. See, there goes the "jerk mode". Joe out.

Are You There Followers? It's Me, Joe.

"Follow" is a fucking stupid looking word. Look at it. "ollo". The hell is that thing? What a terrible middle of a word. Like a British greeting. "Ollo, guvnah!" Whatever. On with the blog.

Vacation Day 2. What a tiring waste of a day. Woke up to Sean screaming "GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!" Which instantly made me jump out of bed and run out. Soon as I saw him, he was playing that damn Black Ops. Thanks, Sean. If it's not bad enough I'm being woken up by Jesus, I got that to contend with.

In other amazingly boring news, installed fans in the bedrooms. The first one took us two hours. Two...hours... Doesn't help that we had the damn thing upside-down for twenty minutes. Funny thing is though, the second one, took all of maybe thirty minutes. You live and you learn, I guess.

As for the title of the blog, where the hell are all the followers? Folks, I made it easy for you. Look to the right. Yeah, you see that? "Follow By Email". Yeah. And then there's that little space where you can type. Yeah. You type your email address there and you can follow the blog. Yeah. So do it. Dammit.

"But Joe, you comment on Facebook every time you post." I don't care. Follow the damn blog. How do I know that you love me? Yeah. Now you feel bad. Sucker. I mean, um, follow me.

Tired. Joe out.

Oh, oh, and yeah, I'm working on getting the podcast going. I've got a lot of stuff to take care of right now but, I'm looking at a launch date of somewhere in May. Sorry, that's the best I've got right now. Follow me. I'm done. Joe out.

Quick Recap For the Day

First day of vacation has been nice. Got up around 1 and hung out with Brad and Breanne. Went to Walmart, Ross, Target and Petsmart. Fun ensued. Breanne accidentally stole a 97 cent water bottle at Walmart. She was literally shocked that she had done it and didn't even realize until we got to the car. It was great.

Petsmart and Target were fairly normal experiences. Some laughs but nothing too memorable. However, Ross was one of the greatest things ever.

First of all, Brad and I were looking for some shoes for him. He wasn't too sure of the size of his foot so, we just had him try on 5 or so different shoes to check the size. Found out he was a size 9 1/2. Once we figured it out, turned around and saw a foot size chart on the floor. We're fucking retards.

Next, at the register, the total came out to $80.02. Brad was adamant about not breaking a ten. He held the 80 bucks up to the cashier. He then told the guy that he had 80 bucks but, didn't have the 2 cents. The cashier said, "Um, okay." And I told Brad to just give the guy the ten so we could be done with it. Brad gave up the ten and was so damn upset. I kept trying to explain that this wasn't like at Seven Eleven where you get a hot dog for 76 cents and have the cashier spot you a penny. This was a department store that had to count their register and accept exact payment for purchases. He then went on a tirade about some guy named Travis. Finally, I stopped him and asked, "Who the fuck is Travis?" To which he replied, "The fucking store manager/cashier at Ross!" I couldn't believe he would remember the name and be so upset. I then recalled that Breanne had stolen the water bottle from Walmart. I then explained to him that it was okay, they were still up 95 cents for the day. He accepted it.

Later on, we headed over to Cannoli Joe's and enjoyed a nice birthday dinner for Brad. He was shocked that we would do something like that for him at which point I informed him that he owed me two cents for the dinner. He claimed to only have a ten. I hate him.

Finally, we finished up the night with a long game of Rummy Royal. Some folks call it Tripoley. In any case, we had a blast and spent a good 3 hours having only spent a dollar each to join in the game.

All in all, as I said above, a really great Day 1 of vacation. I'll keep you posted with more on how Day 2 and the rest of the vacation goes. Vegas in 4 days, baby! And that's just my "two cents". Get it? Whatever. Joe out.

Jesus in the Flesh

Jesus Christ. Joe out.

Jesus Woke Me Up This Morning

Well, not quite. Let me explain. I fell asleep around 8 this morning which is about usual. Anywhere between 8 and 10 is about the norm. Anyways, there's this asshole who's been clearing brush from behind our house for about 2 weeks so I've resorted to wearing ear plugs to sleep. I've gotten used to hearing my heart beat and actually sleep pretty well. So, I pass out, not expecting to wake up until around 3 or 4, figuring I'd wake up early and spend some time with my friend before work.

A few hours later, I feel something touch my cheek. I open my eyes and see a light. As my eyes adjust, I see Jesus Christ with his hand held out. I thought I died. Now, keep in mind, I don't believe in any of that "light at the end of the tunnel" or, you know, God shit everyone goes on about so, this kind of blew my mind. As it came into view, I completely freaked out and threw one of my ear plugs at Him. Thinking Him was Jesus Christ, this was probably a bad idea. Anyways, Him turned out being Brad. Fucking Brad. Standing over me, breathing heavily and rubbing my cheek. What a fruit basket. I'll be sure to post a picture of him so you can see the resemblance. In the meantime, this picture will suffice.

Needless to say, I haven't been back to sleep yet. I'm tired. Jesus Christ. Joe out.

Here's to New Beginnings!

Brad and Breanne made it in this morning around 12:30. They're in bed right now, resting up from their long road trip. It's gotten me to thinking about the road trips I've taken several times over the past few years, much the same route as they have.

I remember in 2005, we came to realize that living in Kit Carson, CO wasn't going to cut it anymore and decided to move on down to San Antonio, TX to stay with my grandmother for a little while. A little while became a lot less time as she pretty much ran us out of her house. "Psycho Bitch" is a little too nice a name for her. Anyways, we tried out San Antonio and things just didn't go well.

A couple years later, we ended up moving just a smidge northward to Austin. For me, things still weren't going well. I was fed up and truly missed Colorado. So, I took that road trip again, this time in reverse, and made my way back up to Lamar.

Time had changed Colorado though, or at least had changed my feelings on it. So much was different and friends just weren't what they used to be. I came back to Austin after only a month in Colorado, disheartened and disappointed by the whole situation.

Then, came a new job, a new beginning. That beginning has become a career and I'm at a job that, while often I complain about, isn't really so bad. I have good people who I share my workspace with and make me often forget that I'm working at all. Thanks to them.

I made one last trip to Colorado back in January, this time by plane, to meet up with some old friends. I was happy to see that Colorado had changed again. This time, for the better. My best friend was doing great and had a wonderful family to share his life with and, my other best friend was content...playing the hand life had dealt him. I left that time happy with what I had seen.

Not but a few months later, my friend, someone I've talked about a bunch on here, decided to make that same trip I had embarked on 6 years ago to give it a go down here in Austin. I certainly wish him and his love a great life here and I am proud to be a part of his journey. So, here's to new beginnings. Here's to Brad and Breanne. Here's to MY FUCKING VACATION AWAY FROM THIS HELL HOLE. Oh, did I say that? Meh, sometimes...you just gotta get away. Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 5

Why the fuck did they change the opening for "Unsolved Mysteries"? I remember growing up and hearing that fucking "Do do do do do do do do" shit and pissing my pants. It was so fucking creepy to hear that and then, Jesus Christ, here comes Robert Stack. At 9 years old, that's like Death just staring you right in the eyes. Nothing against Dennis Farina but, he's no Robert Stack. Understandable that they can't just dig up Robert Stack and have him go back to doing the show. Dude's been dead for years now but, come on. Give me my creepy fucking music.

As well, you seriously can't update the fucking dramatizations? I mean, this is the same shit that was filmed back in the 80s and 90s. Spruce it up a bit. It's 2011. You're interviewing people with mullets and mall rat hair. And my God, perms used to be all the rage, didn't they? I'm just saying, love what you guys are doing cause it's interesting...I mean, it's complete shit but, it's fun to watch...but yea, bring back the old music and update the video. That's it.



Oh, and if at all possible, CGI Robert Stack in there. I miss that "Untouchable" motherfucker. Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 4

Sorry to butt in here (haha, butt) what with thinking I was done for the day. I was laying in bed...actually, no. I was putting my fucking bedside table back together cause the damn drawer broke. That took about 10 minutes. Anyways, that should be another post at a later time. What bothers me right now is, about 10 minutes prior to the bedside table incident, I was cleaning my toilet. I do that about every 3 - 4 years. Anyways, I had finished cleaning it and was just putting some laundry in the bin and folding up some towels when, I had to take a shit. I just stared at the toilet. I had just cleaned it. "Why the fuck didn't I have to take a shit 5 minutes ago," I thought. So, I just stood there. I seriously looked at the toilet for at least 30 seconds and just said, "Fuck it." Sat down and did my business. That bothers me. Call me weird...it just bothers me. And don't act like it's never happened to you. Anyways, I'm going to bed. Joe out.

A Message for Brad and Breanne

You guys are embarking on a new journey in your life. Get up. Rub the sleep out of your eyes and get a move on! I wish you all the luck in the world once you guys get down here. I'm proud of the both of you and so excited to have you guys down here. It takes a lot to start over. You're both young, smart and creative. You'll do well, I think. And if not, we can just ship your sorry asses back to where you came from.

In all honesty, have a fun trip, be careful and I'll see you soon!

And wow, what a gay picture. Joe out.

Homeless Chinese Person

Pretty much speaks for itself. Joe out.

And Then I Found This...

I love you, Little Richard.

What Bothers Me Right Now 3

I have the damn "Magic School Bus" song stuck in my head. Of course, not the whole thing. Just the part where Little Richard sings "raft a river of lava"...over...and over...and over...and over...and over again. It's pretty much driving me insane. I suppose it's better than having his Geico commercial stuck in my head. You know. The one where he says "MASHED POTATOES, GRAVY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE! WOOoOoOOoOOoOoOO!" Shit.



Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 2

People with foreheads too large for the rest of their face. You know what I mean. Where their forehead is exactly equal to half of their entire face. I just don't like it. I think that, if you happen to have a huge forehead, do us all a favor. Open your eyes up a little wider and comb your hair down a little lower. You look like a fucking freak and you're only hurting yourself. The only people exempt: bald fucks. You can't help it.

Anyways, off to bed. Joe out.

Podcasting for Dummies

So, the book came in. It may as well be official. It's going to be some work to get everything together and make it happen but, I feel it's worth it. Any ideas for a good podcast name? Posting the same question at Facebook. Taking all suggestions! Joe out.

Car Crash and Such

So, as you may or may not know, I was in a traffic collision about a week ago. I call it a traffic collision as I refuse to call it an "accident". Someone was at fault. The fuck who ran into me. Anyways...my car, my beautiful car, was totaled. I just found out today what it would cost to repair (nearly $11,000) and the insurance company has decided to scrap it and cut me a check. So, I'm in the market for a new car at the moment. I'd really like to get another PT Cruiser but, I'm checking all my options. We shall see. Gotta call the dealership here in a few minutes and provide some information on the car loan and other miscellaneous things. Should be a hell of a day. (By the way, the picture, not my car).

Oh, and Brad and Breanne had to postpone a day due to not getting some funds they were meant to receive. One day won't hurt. Anywho...Joe out.

Another New Author

Would like to welcome Chris on board. Nice to have my best friend adding his stories and nonsense here. Welcome home, bro.

The beginning...

Welcome readers to the Joe and Chris show! I was asked by Joe to be an author on his blog and I wasn't sure exactly what he had in mind for me to write. I racked my mind all day, thinking what should I write about then it hit me... I think that the readers deserve to know where the Joe and Chris show started. So I beleive it started as Joe stated 11 years ago. Now as most best friends always seem to have some awesome story how they were both in a bad situation and over came diversity together, or their parents grew up together blah blah blah, not our case. We went to a very small school where preschool through high school were all in the same building so we knew who each other were but had never had any form of intelligent conversation..not that we have ever. My dad was a foreign exchange student coordinator and one of our exchange students was placed with Joe and his mom. Well we had our family interviews blah blah blah so then I became more aware of who Joe was. So.. being the young naive person I was I thought that I now knew Joe. So we were in school the junior high had their lockers down a little from the upperclassmen but our paths still crossed because we shared teachers and rooms. Well my locker happened to be right across from the soda machine, as I passed Joe, or he was walking past one of the two.. I thought hey...theres Joe and managed to blurt out... "God Joe why don't you make some room for the rest of the people to walk by.." Next thing I know I was thrown against the pop machine (I would love to see this tried now by the way) ...with Joe yelling at me he would beat my head into the pop machine if I ever looked at him again. Ah.. good times.. well thats your basic start for the Joe and Chris show I will post more and more as I go along but that was our hollywood start for now tune in for more.

Welcome to the team!

Let me welcome our new contributor, Other Joe. Joe Schmied. He's a Scorpio and graduated from Garrant University with a degree in General Education. Not really. Let's give it up for Schmied.

Who I Am

Hi all. My name is Joseph. People online call me Broloth, people in my EU guild call me Broseph, and people at work call me Schmied.

Feel free to refer to me as one of the above :)

I'm your average happy-go-lucky guys who apparently is really angry and loud all the time.

I've recently been asked to attend PAX west with a friend of mine, and happily agreed. He wants to cosplay as Haggar and wants me to cosplay as Vodka Gobalsky.

While that's all good fun, we are both, unfortunately, out of shape. After a 2 years at my desk job, my gut is starting to hang over my waistband, and that just isn't going to work for these costumes. So me and a few friends have been hitting the gym for the past few days, and I have until 8/26 to get into Zangief mode! I'll keep you all updated on how that's going as time progresses.

I'll be on here everyone once and a while posting my thoughts, but will most likely be trolling Joe's posts. I thank you all for having me.

Oh, one more thing. I'm trying out a new tattoo idea, but need some help. I need a character in pop culture who is naturally envious. Preferably from a cartoon or video game. If anyone wants to leaves their thoughts in the comments, that would be awesome!

Ttyl.

Lintendo

Been posting for the past couple of days and already don't like the layout I have going on. I figure what I'll do is just post what's on my mind when I have some time to do so.

Invited Other Joe to join me and he'll start posting his thoughts soon.



Chatted with Chris on the phone today. We talked about how our moms called Nintendos Lintendos and how no matter what we said, they could never figure out the lingo.

"What kind of CDs does your Lintendo use?"

"It's a Nintendo, Mom."

"Right, yea. Which kind of CDs? The big ones or the small ones?"

"It doesn't use CDs. It uses cartridges."

"That's what I said. Which ones? Big or little?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know the size of the CD?"

"Mom, here, this is what they look like. It's a Nintendo cartridge."

Days later...

"I got you a new CD for your Lintendo."

"Oh, cool. Wait a second. This is a Gameboy game."

"Yeah, for the Lintendo."

"Yeah. Well, it's too small."

"That's fine."

"Thanks, Mom."

Joe out.