Jesus Woke Me Up This Morning

Well, not quite. Let me explain. I fell asleep around 8 this morning which is about usual. Anywhere between 8 and 10 is about the norm. Anyways, there's this asshole who's been clearing brush from behind our house for about 2 weeks so I've resorted to wearing ear plugs to sleep. I've gotten used to hearing my heart beat and actually sleep pretty well. So, I pass out, not expecting to wake up until around 3 or 4, figuring I'd wake up early and spend some time with my friend before work.

A few hours later, I feel something touch my cheek. I open my eyes and see a light. As my eyes adjust, I see Jesus Christ with his hand held out. I thought I died. Now, keep in mind, I don't believe in any of that "light at the end of the tunnel" or, you know, God shit everyone goes on about so, this kind of blew my mind. As it came into view, I completely freaked out and threw one of my ear plugs at Him. Thinking Him was Jesus Christ, this was probably a bad idea. Anyways, Him turned out being Brad. Fucking Brad. Standing over me, breathing heavily and rubbing my cheek. What a fruit basket. I'll be sure to post a picture of him so you can see the resemblance. In the meantime, this picture will suffice.

Needless to say, I haven't been back to sleep yet. I'm tired. Jesus Christ. Joe out.