World's oldest man celebrated his 114th birthday a couple days ago. Really man? Just die already. This world is barely worth staying on for fourteen years, let alone 114. He's frightening to look at too. Like a potato...a really, really fucked up potato. And look at those ears. I know your ears keep growing as you age but, Jesus. They're like satellite dishes hanging off his head. Good god. He can pick up broadcasts from Mars. I'll leave the old fuck alone but, seriously, if I live to be 114 (no way I will but, anyways) please someone just shoot me in the face. Or rip off one of my mammoth ears, toss it in my mouth and I'll just choke on the fucking thing. Just rid the world of me. It's too damn long a time to be taking up air. 78ish is fine. Past eighty, you're just going on too long. Who are you trying to impress? All your friends are fucking dead! I'm done. Sorry Jirouemon. Jesus. What an awful fucking name too. Can you imagine living on the planet for 114 years with a name like that? Joe out.
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