What Bothers Me Right Now 11: The Whole Day

Today, I decided to bring along a pad of paper and write down things I saw or experienced throughout the day while at work.  What follows is a direct transcript of my writings, along with some added thoughts (I'll put them in parentheses like this) I've decided to include as of now.  Enjoy.

My kingdom for a vanilla Zinger!

9 PM:  Went to get vanilla Zingers from the vending machine in the break room.  No vanilla Zingers.  Chocolate ones.  I don't like them.  Decided to get 3 Musketeers bar.  Machine didn't work.  Got Nutter Butter Bites which is all right but not what I wanted.  (This whole situation sort of bothered me.  The break room is a good walk from where I sit.  I've had this taste for Zingers lately and I only like the vanilla ones because the chocolate ones taste like Hohos and I don't really like those.  So, I got all the way down there and nothing.  Though the Nutter Butter Bites were pretty delicious.)

(Continued from 9 PM)  Also, wanted to get rid of dimes.  Took two dimes and a quarter.  Meant to take two dimes and a nickel.  Still have two dimes...and that nickel...and no Zingers.

At least they had Cherry 7up.  (Which by the way is amazing.)

Split tennis ball?

Don't look up "split tennis ball" on Google while at work.  (Not sure when this happened, can't really remember.  I do remember it bringing up a pretty naughty photo.  Feel free to look it up yourself.  Preferably while not at work.  Unless your work allows that sort of thing then, go for it.  You will find the picture on the right though so, that's pretty cool.  If you're into bearded men holding up...um...that.)

11 PM:  Just got back from bathroom.  While I was in there, someone came in, used the urinal and just left.  Didn't flush.  Didn't wash hands.  The washing hands bit doesn't bother me.  Unless you piss or shit on your hands, you don't have to wash up.  (And that's true.)  I do it as a courtesy in a public place. (Preferably, at work.  I rarely wash my hands after using the restroom unless I'm in the middle of or about to eat.  And of course if I shit or piss on them.)  Anyways, why not flush?  That's just dirty.  And what bothers me even more, when I went, the toilet had piss in it.  FLUSH THE TOILET!!!  Jesus.  Dirty bastards.  (And that's true.  Where I work is like a nerd farm.  I guess nerds don't flush toilets or use underarm deodorant.  I'm not kidding.  Some of the people I work with smell horrid.  Like bacon.  I mean, I like the smell of bacon...but not old bacon mixed with dirty human.  Take a shower.  If you are taking a shower, put on deodorant.  If you are putting on deodorant, get some new shit cause it ain't working.  And bring me some bacon, you selfish prick.)

You're not cool.

12:30 AM  Saw a guy with a mohawk and a mullet just now.  What would that be called?  A mullethawk?  A mohawklet?  In any case, bad.  Mohawklet sounds like something they serve in a school cafeteria.  (Mohawks seem to be all the rage where I work.  Never really understood it.  Looks like a half a haircut.  Finish the job for God's sake.  And why a mullet?  One or the other.  Neither should be acceptable in public but, at least pick one over the other.  Don't just blend them into some abomination.  It was awful.)

2 AM:  Someone just used a phrase I hate.  "I know what you'd like."  Yeah?  You do, do you?  Another I hate, "I bet you'd like..."  Yeah?  Let's see.  Nope.  Don't like it.  Pay up.  (Not much to add here.  I just hate when people think they know me well enough to make a wager or insist that they know I like one thing or another.  I probably don't.  I'm pretty fucking picky and not everyone likes Elvis commemorative plates or Nascar dishtowels.  If you do, that's fine.  If you like those things, I bet you'd have a mohawklet.)

3:30 AM:  Went to bathroom again to take a piss.  Before I went in, someone told me, "Be careful.  It smells like shit in there."  Does it?  Who'd have thought?  (I mean, it's a bathroom for fuck's sake.  It's one step away from a sewer.  And where I work, it smells enough outside of the bathroom anyways.  I understand, it was his attempt at a joke but, it wasn't really very well done.  Here's a joke:  My grandpa used to fart, smile at me, and tell me "Joe.  Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind me?"  Now, that's a fucking joke.)

And so sums up my day.  By the way, it's Mother's Day so, let your mom know you love her.  Or if you don't love her, whatever.  Just let her be, I guess.  Happy Mother's Day all you mothers out there.  Get it?  Like mother fuckers.  Yeah.  Meh, whatever.  And here's Mr. T telling you to treat your mother right.  Remember, when you put down one mother, you're putting down mothers all over the world.  Joe out.