Jesus in the Flesh

Jesus Christ. Joe out.

Jesus Woke Me Up This Morning

Well, not quite. Let me explain. I fell asleep around 8 this morning which is about usual. Anywhere between 8 and 10 is about the norm. Anyways, there's this asshole who's been clearing brush from behind our house for about 2 weeks so I've resorted to wearing ear plugs to sleep. I've gotten used to hearing my heart beat and actually sleep pretty well. So, I pass out, not expecting to wake up until around 3 or 4, figuring I'd wake up early and spend some time with my friend before work.

A few hours later, I feel something touch my cheek. I open my eyes and see a light. As my eyes adjust, I see Jesus Christ with his hand held out. I thought I died. Now, keep in mind, I don't believe in any of that "light at the end of the tunnel" or, you know, God shit everyone goes on about so, this kind of blew my mind. As it came into view, I completely freaked out and threw one of my ear plugs at Him. Thinking Him was Jesus Christ, this was probably a bad idea. Anyways, Him turned out being Brad. Fucking Brad. Standing over me, breathing heavily and rubbing my cheek. What a fruit basket. I'll be sure to post a picture of him so you can see the resemblance. In the meantime, this picture will suffice.

Needless to say, I haven't been back to sleep yet. I'm tired. Jesus Christ. Joe out.

Here's to New Beginnings!

Brad and Breanne made it in this morning around 12:30. They're in bed right now, resting up from their long road trip. It's gotten me to thinking about the road trips I've taken several times over the past few years, much the same route as they have.

I remember in 2005, we came to realize that living in Kit Carson, CO wasn't going to cut it anymore and decided to move on down to San Antonio, TX to stay with my grandmother for a little while. A little while became a lot less time as she pretty much ran us out of her house. "Psycho Bitch" is a little too nice a name for her. Anyways, we tried out San Antonio and things just didn't go well.

A couple years later, we ended up moving just a smidge northward to Austin. For me, things still weren't going well. I was fed up and truly missed Colorado. So, I took that road trip again, this time in reverse, and made my way back up to Lamar.

Time had changed Colorado though, or at least had changed my feelings on it. So much was different and friends just weren't what they used to be. I came back to Austin after only a month in Colorado, disheartened and disappointed by the whole situation.

Then, came a new job, a new beginning. That beginning has become a career and I'm at a job that, while often I complain about, isn't really so bad. I have good people who I share my workspace with and make me often forget that I'm working at all. Thanks to them.

I made one last trip to Colorado back in January, this time by plane, to meet up with some old friends. I was happy to see that Colorado had changed again. This time, for the better. My best friend was doing great and had a wonderful family to share his life with and, my other best friend was content...playing the hand life had dealt him. I left that time happy with what I had seen.

Not but a few months later, my friend, someone I've talked about a bunch on here, decided to make that same trip I had embarked on 6 years ago to give it a go down here in Austin. I certainly wish him and his love a great life here and I am proud to be a part of his journey. So, here's to new beginnings. Here's to Brad and Breanne. Here's to MY FUCKING VACATION AWAY FROM THIS HELL HOLE. Oh, did I say that? Meh, sometimes...you just gotta get away. Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 5

Why the fuck did they change the opening for "Unsolved Mysteries"? I remember growing up and hearing that fucking "Do do do do do do do do" shit and pissing my pants. It was so fucking creepy to hear that and then, Jesus Christ, here comes Robert Stack. At 9 years old, that's like Death just staring you right in the eyes. Nothing against Dennis Farina but, he's no Robert Stack. Understandable that they can't just dig up Robert Stack and have him go back to doing the show. Dude's been dead for years now but, come on. Give me my creepy fucking music.

As well, you seriously can't update the fucking dramatizations? I mean, this is the same shit that was filmed back in the 80s and 90s. Spruce it up a bit. It's 2011. You're interviewing people with mullets and mall rat hair. And my God, perms used to be all the rage, didn't they? I'm just saying, love what you guys are doing cause it's interesting...I mean, it's complete shit but, it's fun to watch...but yea, bring back the old music and update the video. That's it.



Oh, and if at all possible, CGI Robert Stack in there. I miss that "Untouchable" motherfucker. Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 4

Sorry to butt in here (haha, butt) what with thinking I was done for the day. I was laying in bed...actually, no. I was putting my fucking bedside table back together cause the damn drawer broke. That took about 10 minutes. Anyways, that should be another post at a later time. What bothers me right now is, about 10 minutes prior to the bedside table incident, I was cleaning my toilet. I do that about every 3 - 4 years. Anyways, I had finished cleaning it and was just putting some laundry in the bin and folding up some towels when, I had to take a shit. I just stared at the toilet. I had just cleaned it. "Why the fuck didn't I have to take a shit 5 minutes ago," I thought. So, I just stood there. I seriously looked at the toilet for at least 30 seconds and just said, "Fuck it." Sat down and did my business. That bothers me. Call me weird...it just bothers me. And don't act like it's never happened to you. Anyways, I'm going to bed. Joe out.

A Message for Brad and Breanne

You guys are embarking on a new journey in your life. Get up. Rub the sleep out of your eyes and get a move on! I wish you all the luck in the world once you guys get down here. I'm proud of the both of you and so excited to have you guys down here. It takes a lot to start over. You're both young, smart and creative. You'll do well, I think. And if not, we can just ship your sorry asses back to where you came from.

In all honesty, have a fun trip, be careful and I'll see you soon!

And wow, what a gay picture. Joe out.

Homeless Chinese Person

Pretty much speaks for itself. Joe out.

And Then I Found This...

I love you, Little Richard.

What Bothers Me Right Now 3

I have the damn "Magic School Bus" song stuck in my head. Of course, not the whole thing. Just the part where Little Richard sings "raft a river of lava"...over...and over...and over...and over...and over again. It's pretty much driving me insane. I suppose it's better than having his Geico commercial stuck in my head. You know. The one where he says "MASHED POTATOES, GRAVY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE! WOOoOoOOoOOoOoOO!" Shit.



Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now 2

People with foreheads too large for the rest of their face. You know what I mean. Where their forehead is exactly equal to half of their entire face. I just don't like it. I think that, if you happen to have a huge forehead, do us all a favor. Open your eyes up a little wider and comb your hair down a little lower. You look like a fucking freak and you're only hurting yourself. The only people exempt: bald fucks. You can't help it.

Anyways, off to bed. Joe out.

Podcasting for Dummies

So, the book came in. It may as well be official. It's going to be some work to get everything together and make it happen but, I feel it's worth it. Any ideas for a good podcast name? Posting the same question at Facebook. Taking all suggestions! Joe out.

Car Crash and Such

So, as you may or may not know, I was in a traffic collision about a week ago. I call it a traffic collision as I refuse to call it an "accident". Someone was at fault. The fuck who ran into me. Anyways...my car, my beautiful car, was totaled. I just found out today what it would cost to repair (nearly $11,000) and the insurance company has decided to scrap it and cut me a check. So, I'm in the market for a new car at the moment. I'd really like to get another PT Cruiser but, I'm checking all my options. We shall see. Gotta call the dealership here in a few minutes and provide some information on the car loan and other miscellaneous things. Should be a hell of a day. (By the way, the picture, not my car).

Oh, and Brad and Breanne had to postpone a day due to not getting some funds they were meant to receive. One day won't hurt. Anywho...Joe out.

Another New Author

Would like to welcome Chris on board. Nice to have my best friend adding his stories and nonsense here. Welcome home, bro.

The beginning...

Welcome readers to the Joe and Chris show! I was asked by Joe to be an author on his blog and I wasn't sure exactly what he had in mind for me to write. I racked my mind all day, thinking what should I write about then it hit me... I think that the readers deserve to know where the Joe and Chris show started. So I beleive it started as Joe stated 11 years ago. Now as most best friends always seem to have some awesome story how they were both in a bad situation and over came diversity together, or their parents grew up together blah blah blah, not our case. We went to a very small school where preschool through high school were all in the same building so we knew who each other were but had never had any form of intelligent conversation..not that we have ever. My dad was a foreign exchange student coordinator and one of our exchange students was placed with Joe and his mom. Well we had our family interviews blah blah blah so then I became more aware of who Joe was. So.. being the young naive person I was I thought that I now knew Joe. So we were in school the junior high had their lockers down a little from the upperclassmen but our paths still crossed because we shared teachers and rooms. Well my locker happened to be right across from the soda machine, as I passed Joe, or he was walking past one of the two.. I thought hey...theres Joe and managed to blurt out... "God Joe why don't you make some room for the rest of the people to walk by.." Next thing I know I was thrown against the pop machine (I would love to see this tried now by the way) ...with Joe yelling at me he would beat my head into the pop machine if I ever looked at him again. Ah.. good times.. well thats your basic start for the Joe and Chris show I will post more and more as I go along but that was our hollywood start for now tune in for more.

Welcome to the team!

Let me welcome our new contributor, Other Joe. Joe Schmied. He's a Scorpio and graduated from Garrant University with a degree in General Education. Not really. Let's give it up for Schmied.

Who I Am

Hi all. My name is Joseph. People online call me Broloth, people in my EU guild call me Broseph, and people at work call me Schmied.

Feel free to refer to me as one of the above :)

I'm your average happy-go-lucky guys who apparently is really angry and loud all the time.

I've recently been asked to attend PAX west with a friend of mine, and happily agreed. He wants to cosplay as Haggar and wants me to cosplay as Vodka Gobalsky.

While that's all good fun, we are both, unfortunately, out of shape. After a 2 years at my desk job, my gut is starting to hang over my waistband, and that just isn't going to work for these costumes. So me and a few friends have been hitting the gym for the past few days, and I have until 8/26 to get into Zangief mode! I'll keep you all updated on how that's going as time progresses.

I'll be on here everyone once and a while posting my thoughts, but will most likely be trolling Joe's posts. I thank you all for having me.

Oh, one more thing. I'm trying out a new tattoo idea, but need some help. I need a character in pop culture who is naturally envious. Preferably from a cartoon or video game. If anyone wants to leaves their thoughts in the comments, that would be awesome!

Ttyl.

Lintendo

Been posting for the past couple of days and already don't like the layout I have going on. I figure what I'll do is just post what's on my mind when I have some time to do so.

Invited Other Joe to join me and he'll start posting his thoughts soon.



Chatted with Chris on the phone today. We talked about how our moms called Nintendos Lintendos and how no matter what we said, they could never figure out the lingo.

"What kind of CDs does your Lintendo use?"

"It's a Nintendo, Mom."

"Right, yea. Which kind of CDs? The big ones or the small ones?"

"It doesn't use CDs. It uses cartridges."

"That's what I said. Which ones? Big or little?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know the size of the CD?"

"Mom, here, this is what they look like. It's a Nintendo cartridge."

Days later...

"I got you a new CD for your Lintendo."

"Oh, cool. Wait a second. This is a Gameboy game."

"Yeah, for the Lintendo."

"Yeah. Well, it's too small."

"That's fine."

"Thanks, Mom."

Joe out.

People Scare Me

Call me the devil but, I can't care enough about this. Well, I care a bit anyways to make a post about it. I get an email from someone who I haven't spoken to in years. This person tells me to "say a prayer for them". I almost thought it was spam. Like "African President wants to send you 50,000 pounds of gold bullion" type of shit. But I read it and say, "hell, no. This is real". Something about basically, this person is dying or thinks they're going to die and just waiting for test results and wants us (those put on the email) to keep them in our prayers. I'm thinking, if you're that far gone, just die already. If you're sending an atheist a request for prayer via email, just throw in the towel. Maybe I'm just a bad person but, I really couldn't care any less if I tried. Told Hop about it and asked him if he thinks I'm a bad person. He says, "Shit, I don't care." And I think that pretty much sums that up. Joe out.

Toothbrushing Incident

Just finished up brushing my teeth. A fucking spritz of toothpaste shot up into my eye. Just what I've always wanted. A minty fresh blink.

Daily Breakdown

What happened today?

Same as yesterday mostly...at least with going to work and all. Pretty all right day mostly. Had a chat with Hop some more on the podcast. He keeps thinking I'm going to do something to him with cheese. He has strange convictions. Had a fella from work (Bramsey) speak with him and get him in a better mood about it. Still don't know if he'll sign on or not. Hope he will.

What's going on now?

Planning on heading to the game room and doing something. Not quite sure what. Dragon Age II is getting a little meh. Just doesn't feel as deep as the previous one. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Looking ahead

Figured Brad and Breanne will be here Wednesday at the latest. I'll be able to spend a few days with them before heading off to Vegas. Oh yea. Heading to Vegas on the 13th. That should be a nice holiday from monotony. Will be sure to update with the happenings.

Get on with it then



That's all really. I received my Family Guy DVDs. See, Amazon had this sale on all the Family Guy DVDs. $12.99 per season and I thought, "well sure, why not." Such a bad idea. I have an addiction. I just buy things and have no use for them. These DVDs will most likely wind up under the bed, unwrapped and just rot away. But hey, at least I've got that out of the way. Probably won't need to buy those again...least until they're on Blu-ray.

Joe out.

What Bothers Me Right Now

People who "Like" their own Facebook posts.